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Performance exhausts cure those hump day blues.
Is another Wednesday at East Brockton High School. Hump Day, the kids called it; the
halfway point between stories of last weekend and the excitement of upcoming
festivities.
A disheveled Mr. Sweeny hurries into the Social Studies room moments after the bell
rings late as usual. Happy Hump Day!¯ the class yells. Patrick Sweeny has been teaching
Social Studies for thirteen years now. You would think he would have gotten the routine
down, but tardiness is no stranger to Mr. Sweeny.
He is usually found darting through
the halls, in a constant state of disarray a pile of books under one arm, a briefcase
under the other, coffee in one hand, a brown bag sack lunch in the other.
Style, on the other hand, is foreign language to him it went extinct with dinosaurs as
far as Patrick Sweeny is concerned. One might think his wardrobe was similar to that of
a superhero closet, consisting of multiple pairs of the same outfit, but the remnants
of chalk dust and pit stains allude to a different, less exciting story.
Hump day. I wish mumbles Mr. Sweeny softly under his breathe. Poor ole Sweeny boy hadnt
enjoyed the company of a woman in years, maybe decades. But can you blame him? Receding
hairlines and bad hygiene arent exactly in style these days; well, maybe bad hygiene.
Hey Mr. Sweeny, what are we learning about today? asked Samantha Wilcott, a future
valedictorian. Why dont we start by going over last nights homework?
Everyone please take it out.¯
Sweeny, I want to see you out in the hall boomed Principle Harrisons deep voice. He had
the perfect voice for a principle. His vocal chords had the power to send chills down
a freshmans spine, the power to break up a fist fight, the power to sing Chocolate Rain.
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The kids in the classroom could hear the bass from Principle Harrisons voice echoing,
Sweeny, do you have any idea how many times you´ve been late this year¯ Sweeny start to
stammer, Well I Cant recall the exact 38 days. If you were a student you´d be held back.
If you were my kid you´d be grounded. Heck, if this were taxes, you´d be arrested!¯
Sweeny just stood there with his head hanging down, finally noticing the chalk dust
covering his shirt. Point taken Greg. Greg was Principal Harrisons first name. I don´t
mean to come down you, but you need to make it here on time. If you can´t, I will find
someone who can.
Sweeny nodded and returned to the classroom. He wasn´t in the mood for teaching anymore,
or for talking at all for that matter. So he passed out a quiz and sat as his desk in
silence.
The problem isn´t that he is lazy. The problem is that he is extremely disorganized.
From the moment he wakes up, Mr. Sweeny is constantly playing catch up. Today he was out
of toothpaste. If it´s not toothpaste he´s out of, its milk, or ink for his printer, or
something else. He then has to drive over to the supermarket to get his supplies and
ends up being late for work.
So how on earth will Sweeny be able to salvage his job, his dignity, and his life?
It hit him like Babe Ruth knocking one out of the park. The problem was his car. His
beat up little sedan was always having problems. He needed something, like Principle
Harrison´s voice, that would let people know that he was coming and they better watch
out.
He ended up attaching a growling, earth-shaking performance exhaust in combination with
nice throaty air intake.
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